As much as most people try to avoid it, change is inevitable. As much as we dig our heels in and hang on with both hands, it happens. It has to. It is the only constant. We know this. Then why do we fight it so?
In a major life change for me, I had to let go of my baby boy, Forest, this last week. Looking back on my life with him is a happy journey. I feel so grateful for having had the chance to adopt him into my life. From the outset, I was determined to train him into the best puppy ever, and I did. However, it wasn’t all me. He began as a wonderful, beautiful soul and simply grew from there, accepting and adapting to whatever the world threw at him. Dogs are born with that and it stays ingrained.
He was a happy, goofy boy and it was my life’s work to give him every benefit and experience I could. I think back on our first walks together when he got scared of a leaf blowing in the wind. I caught the leaf and showed it to him and told him what it was. Soon, he was chasing the leaves and eventually they were just things that were outside. I did this with anything he reacted to. Every day we walked and when he was old enough we started running together. We ran nearly every day for about 8 years. Those were the true glory days for us. 5 miles. 6 miles. Our longest run was just over 8 miles. Forest always chose the route. After the run, I’d stretch and he’d get a massage and then we’d share a toasted bagel with cream cheese. I’d go to work and he’d go back to bed. As he got older, he started slowing down, so we’d walk more. Even as fanatical a runner as I was, I didn’t think twice about slowing down with him. I haven’t really run in about 2 years and I’ve been fine with that. We still walked every day and he still chose the route. That was my happiness.
In the last week I've been working on coming to terms with losing Forest. He was my baby boy, my friend and even a confidant at times. Trust me, he understood - he knew English. He just couldn't speak in reply. However, his facial expressions were priceless and, in fact, worth a thousand words. My heart is heavy - only time will lighten it.
Also, in the last week I've seen a great change in Tiger. I realized I was correct in assuming that he was trying to protect Forest. Whenever there was anything that might be threatening, Tiger would get all worked up. I thought he was just being obnoxious - he is still a puppy, after all. But he knew Forest wasn't well. He would sniff and kiss his face where the swollen lymph node was and always checked on him. Actually, he'd been doing that since Forest had the tumor on his jowl that was removed in February. Now, Tiger is more relaxed. At first, he was looking everywhere for Forest - in the apartment and at each of the parks near Forest's favorite places to sniff around. But it's almost like he doesn't feel that responsibility anymore and he's less keyed up. I know he misses playing with Forest. We all do.
In the last week I've been working on coming to terms with losing Forest. He was my baby boy, my friend and even a confidant at times. Trust me, he understood - he knew English. He just couldn't speak in reply. However, his facial expressions were priceless and, in fact, worth a thousand words. My heart is heavy - only time will lighten it.
Also, in the last week I've seen a great change in Tiger. I realized I was correct in assuming that he was trying to protect Forest. Whenever there was anything that might be threatening, Tiger would get all worked up. I thought he was just being obnoxious - he is still a puppy, after all. But he knew Forest wasn't well. He would sniff and kiss his face where the swollen lymph node was and always checked on him. Actually, he'd been doing that since Forest had the tumor on his jowl that was removed in February. Now, Tiger is more relaxed. At first, he was looking everywhere for Forest - in the apartment and at each of the parks near Forest's favorite places to sniff around. But it's almost like he doesn't feel that responsibility anymore and he's less keyed up. I know he misses playing with Forest. We all do.
Momma loves you, baby Nutters. You are the best puppy ever! I wish you the bounciest, funnest, rompingest time in your next life adventure. I’ll think of you every day as I move on to my next adventure here.
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