A new email comes in for support. I've never seen this program before. I don't have a clue what it does. Or why. None of that matters. Not only do I need to learn this program well enough to teach others how to use it, I also need to learn how to install it, and how the licensing and tech support work. My heart stops in my chest for a second. I feel overwhelmed. This needs to be done in the next week. Along with the myriad of other projects I'm working on. I'm having a small panic attack. But only for a moment. I stop. I breathe. This is what I do. This is what I live for. I know what I'm doing even if I don't actually know the specifics. I have a knack for this computer stuff. I'll figure it out. I always do. Exhale. Now focus and just do it.
We're going out. Date night. Is this really what I'm going to wear? Is it too "young"? Do I look too frumpy? Does he even like this color or this style? What will people think? Oh, wait, I forgot - I don't care what other people think. He tells me I look great. Am I comfortable? Do I like what I'm wearing? Yes, and yes. Alright then. Let's go have some fun!
Every day, it seems, I'm encountered by some small anxiety issue. Am I smart enough? Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Am I worthy of the happiness I have in my life? Knowing I'm worth it isn't the same as knowing I deserve it. I deserve what happens as a result of my actions or in-actions. Positive or negative. That's simply cause and effect. Being worthy of good things is every person's right.
I have several good things in my life. I strive to consciously put out positive vibes every day. And every day I do, they're returned. Yes, work is tough. But if I tackle an issue head-on, light-heartedly with a positive attitude, I will always prevail. And I'll be the better for it. Any fears I had, now gone.
As I get older, I find that my insight and gut feeling are much more accurate. Being conscious of that helps. The more I pay attention to what feels right, the more often I feel the right thing. The second-thoughts and initial fears are still there - maybe they always will be - but I'm learning that consciously working through them at that moment alleviates any additional stress and relieves any of those initial worries instantly.
Because of these things - the conscious work I do to try to improve my mental health - I know that I am doing and have done everything I can to be the best person I can. And that too, makes me worthy. I will not sabotage the wonderful relationship I have just because I think I'm not worth it. I will not jeopardize the great job I have because I think I'm not worth it. Because I am. Life hasn't always been easy. Nor is it now. But I know I'm worthy of every good thing that happens to me and I will not take that for granted. I know it takes an outpouring of happiness and positivity to have happiness and positivity returned. I intend to keep up with that.
Namasté, friends!
