I’ve had people tell me that I always have a smile on my face. I try to. I consciously strive for that. I am a very happy person in general. Of course, I wasn’t always. Like anyone else, I’ve had my share of obstacles and challenges. I know now, you do what you need to and go on. I believe there’s no reason to dwell or live in that state for any longer than is necessary. I consciously feel the pain or anguish or turmoil while I’m there – really feel it - then let it go. There is always something to be grateful for. There is always something to be happy about. And the two are not exclusive.
At one point in my life I was not happy. I was stressed out from work, family, friends and my marriage. Basically, I wasn’t happy with life in general. The common denominator? Me! I could either continue to deny there was any issue at all, or take a long, hard look at it. Oh, it is so much easier to deny it and try to forget about it and pretend it doesn’t exist or bother me. So much easier! But it does bother me. And it doesn’t go away, it gets worse. I’d drive to work crying and hoping to be sideswiped by a semi. I had to deal with this once and for all.
I am an avid researcher. I will research the hell out of any subject I need at the time. I’m also a do-it-yourself-er. If I find I can’t do it myself, then I’ll bring in help, but my initial attempt will nearly always be to learn what I need to learn and take care of the issue. The subject of this day: “how to be happy”. Wow. There are multitudes of books, millions of articles, thousands of experts and tons of newsletters. I’m pretty good at weeding out the riff-raff websites but there were still pages upon pages of information. Where do I start? At the beginning.
The base concept I took away from nearly every reading came down to gratefulness. Yes, I write about that a lot – and this is why. I found I wasn’t happy with what I had because I had taken it for granted. The stress and fast pace of life makes it so easy to fall into that trap. I started by methodically going over each issue and looking in the mirror for the answer. If I quit my job and got a different one, would I be happy? No – I’d simply be swapping one set of issues for a different set in a new company. If I stopped seeing all of my friends and got new ones, would I be happy? No – you have to really be a friend to have a friend and I knew I wasn’t holding up my end of the bargain a lot of the time. If I disowned my family would I be happy? Certainly not! Every family I know has some degree of dysfunction. To say “dysfunctional family” would be redundant. And finally, if I left my husband, would I be happy? Well, ok, not at that particular time. Later. But at that time I wasn’t a very good wife either.
Bottom line, I needed a major attitude adjustment. Oh, ugh. That’s going to be a LOT of work! But I found that if you master one small thing at a time, it’s not all that difficult. It takes time to learn to consciously think about what you’re doing – and be happy about it. Vacuuming is one of the most mundane chores a person can do. Your mind wanders other places and before you know it you’re done and barely remember doing it. Next time you vacuum, really look at the carpet and watch the crumbs and lint and debris magically vanish. Think about how much you’re helping the life of your carpet. Think about the allergens you’re removing from your household. Your home is your haven and it should be treated accordingly in order to make you feel safe and comfortable there. When you’re done, you’ll have such a feeling of accomplishment. And, yes, I do this. This works just the same with something less mundane like your job. For me, I was totally overwhelmed, overworked and stressed out. I know how this job is and regardless of where I work, I had to decide if this is truly what I wanted to do for the rest of my working life. I thought long and hard and came to the realization that I love every aspect about the job. I like the fast pace, I like fixing things. I like learning something new every day. My stress came from a lack of time-management and in this job, there is no such thing. I had to accept that fact and simply prioritize. And I did. And, again, I had to consciously feel thankful for my job every day. I had to force myself at first. It certainly doesn’t start out as second nature. I’d think, “I’m so happy that I have this job.” And then think about what makes me happy about it today. Some days I accomplish a lot. Some days, I accomplish nothing productive. But every day moves me in a positive direction simply by what I’ve learned. And for that I can be grateful. And that makes me happy. And the experience teaches me that I can weather any storm and remain happy.
Finally, happy people smile, right? Not always. Some people don’t have that outward show of emotion. If I truly wanted to embrace happiness I needed to exude happiness. The experts say it makes a difference. I can tell you, as cheesy as it sounds, it does work. If you’re feeling sad or a little down you’re supposed to smile for 10 seconds. I think I remember my mom telling us this as well. (Yes, mom?) So, in my attitude readjustment phase, I employed this trick as well. At first I felt so stupid sitting there grinning for no reason. But, funny thing – it actually works. Now I don’t think about it anymore. I smile at people wherever I go. Sometimes it’s a game to see who will smile back.
:-)
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