In Time

We’re not supposed to outlive our children. But that’s exactly what we relegate ourselves to when we adopt a pet. We know this going in and we still do it, expecting the love to outweigh the pain when it does happen. So, of course, I always knew this day would come.

With Silver, my Chow Chow, I had forewarning – he was mostly deaf, mostly blind and got to the point where he could barely get up. That day I came home from work and he could not get up on his own, I knew that was it. That night we made daiquiris and he enjoyed his in a bowl. The next day we took him to the vet for the last time.

With Forest, I knew several months in advance that he had cancer and I opted to not put him through the torture of treatment as it would only give him a few additional months. Instead, we did everything we normally would – walks, trips to different parks, play dates – all the fun things. And when it was his time, we let him go.

Tiger is a different story. He’d had arthritis in his back leg and lower back for a few years, but we still went out and played ball nearly every day. He loved chasing the bunnies and squirrels in the park and swimming in the river. Occasionally, he would take a break and lay down in the grass, but then he’d be back up, bringing me his ball to throw. This day was no different. Up in the morning and out to the park to sniff around, pee on trees, chase a bunny and play ball. Back home for breakfast then we’re off to work. We come home to a bouncing pup, bringing me his squeaky Santa toy. Nothing out of the ordinary. But after I look through the mail, I ask him if he wants to go out to the park and he’s walking really slowly. We go out to the park, he pees, walks a little further then lays down. I couldn’t get him up. I thought it was his arthritic back end bothering him. We had to pick him up and carry him into the house and we laid him down on his chair. It was like he was totally exhausted. When his labored breathing went on for several minutes, I knew we needed to go to the vet ER. I was in the back of the car with him all the way, petting him, talking to him, but he stopped breathing before we got there.

The people at the vet were very caring, gentle and consoling. But it was just so surreal. I’m still not sure that this isn’t a horrible nightmare. I’ll get through it, but it’ll be rough. With the other pups, I had time to mentally prepare. It was still very hard, but it was also expected and freed them from a painful existence. This time, it happened so suddenly and so soon. I’m so very sad. My heart hurts and I don’t know what to do with myself. Tiger was such a large part of my life. He and Forest were with me after my divorce – just me and my pups. And when I lost Forest, I still had Tiger. But now, my day-to-day home life is suddenly going to be different. My lifestyle is instantly altered. My plan is to do what I feel I need to do and nothing else. In time, I’ll adapt to a new schedule, I’ll figure out what to do with the dog beds and all of the toys, I’ll learn how to live in the quiet. In time.