Wherever you go, there you are

Over the last several years I’ve consciously directed my focus inwards on myself. They say you have to learn to love yourself before you can learn to love someone else. I found that theory to be extremely insightful but horribly evasive. It’s so much easier to focus your attention on someone else and basically disconnect yourself from your own light. I have an understanding and empathy of people and their life circumstances that makes it easy for me to overlook their shortcomings. Mine, however, can only be addressed and accepted by me and I certainly don’t want to put that on another person. My mom always called me a “people pleaser” and that personality trait has had a negative impact on my life for, well, forever. Yes, it makes me a “nice person” in everyone else’s eyes. That’s a positive thing. But it has also forced me into situations I wasn’t comfortable with and occasionally created a behavior that just wasn’t me. It wasn’t until I spent some serious quality time with myself that I realized these things. I knew this is how I was, but I didn’t make the connection that I had been veering away from my true self and the damage that action was causing me.

There is no magic rule or path to follow that enabled me to find and stay true to myself. I have learned to say No. I have also learned to say Yes. I stop and think of what feels right for me before making a decision. Previously, I would try to make an educated guess as to what the other party would prefer. Now, I’ll take into account how my decision will affect others, but I will also give an honest, thoughtful answer of my own interest.

Once I found the real me, I had to concentrate on the more difficult part of this introspection - learning to accept who I am. I needed to learn to live with my issues or correct them if I couldn’t. I had to look at myself with the same empathy and understanding that I gave to others. They say you are your own worst critic and I’m no exception. So, I gave myself a break. I’ve been through a lot in my life – just like most people have – and every single ordeal, trauma and happening had a hand in shaping me to be the person I am today. I learned from everything and I regret nothing. As long as I’m still learning from life, I’ll always know I’ve done the best I can do. And that alone gives me the confidence to know that I’m worthy of every happiness available to me.

Be happy with yourself. Be friends with yourself. You are the most worthy person of your love and understanding.

Soul Mates

Have you ever known people who were self-proclaimed soul mates? Maybe you are one. I’ve never had the experience of that degree of connectedness with a person. I’ve heard about it, read about it, seen it in movies. To me, it always sounded like some kind of hearts and flowers, star-crossed lover-syndrome from the 60’s. I don’t doubt these people have this type of connection to one another, but then isn’t it also possible they’ve had permanent mental alterations from all the LSD they took in college?

Surely people are too technically advanced to be able to have relationships like that nowadays. Friendships have been relegated to how many of your friends’ Facebook posts you “Like”. Dating is best accomplished online as you eagerly await the next “Wink” and then send messages back and forth for weeks until you think can trust them enough to actually meet in person. We move like robots through life, working like crazy and then trying to get any downtime we can in order to meet that “one”. It’s all we can do to find a date, much less someone who actually wants to add the turmoil of a romantic relationship to their life.

But, I know me and while I have enjoyed being by myself, I’m not one to stay that way. I know what I want and what I deserve. And, in reference to the Universe listening, I feel wholeheartedly that I have found it. After a couple of false starts and several more first dates, the tides have turned in my favor.

From the very beginning, the communication between us has just flowed. We’ve put as much on the table as the table will currently hold. Then once all of that information gets filed away, we’ll add more to the table. Nothing is left out, nothing is off-limits. Nothing is judged and everything is accepted. And in throwing everything out there we’ve found that not only are we on the same page, but we are on the same sentence in the same paragraph on the same page.

I am baffled and amazed at this whole experience. Is this even possible? It seems so very incredible, in the literal sense. But, as I’ve always found, it’s pointless to question it. I may never know the answer. And, more precisely, I don’t need to know the answer.

Singing

I absolutely LOVE to sing. And I think I sound pretty good. In the car. Alone. With the windows rolled up. Preferably while it's pouring down rain so no one actually sees me.  I would never - and I mean NEVER - sing karaoke. In public? Oh, hell no!

 

The funny part, to me, is that I've performed musically a lot - through middle and high school in the different bands and even some solo. And now, in my career I occasionally run meetings and lead demos. So, it's not a "stage fright" issue. 

Well, maybe a little.

 

One of the popular sayings recently is "Dance like no one is watching". To me, this is a total no-brainer because I really don't care what other people think of me and what I'm doing. I'll go dancing (granted rarely) and I know I don't dance well but I'll be having fun. I don't get embarrassed or feel humiliated. I believe those feelings come from that same little voice in your head that tells you when you "can't" do or be something. You should never listen to that voice. I do and say whatever I feel is right. I have never thought it right to intentionally hurt someone's feelings, so barring that, all else is fair game! I don't have much in terms of ego - I'm an open book with nothing really to hide and if I get hurt along the way, I'll know there's a lesson in the experience. I have enough self-confidence to say that I am who I am and if you don't like me, that's ok. I can't change that and I'm ok with it.

 

I have to assume, simply because of the popularity of the saying, that there are people who wouldn't dance like no one is watching. To them I say, "Who cares?" People seem to think that everyone else is watching, and cares about, what they're doing. They don't. They only care about what they themselves are doing and that other people don't think adversely of them. It's a vicious circle. So when I see someone doing something goofy in public, I'll laugh and acknowledge them as encouragement. Being uptight and worrying about everything only leads to health issues and unhappiness. Be content with who you are. Show the world. Free yourself.

 

Now, let me at that karaoke machine!

 

hmmm...

 

I think I'll start with dancing in the street. I'll need to work my way up to singing...

 

 

It could all be gone tomorrow

Yes, yes it could. But really, how likely is that? Not terribly. So, most of us don’t live that way – like there is no tomorrow.  We will think about it for a moment when we see the inspirational quote of the day on someone’s Facebook page or forwarded email, but in general, we don’t live like that. And, if it were “all” gone tomorrow – i.e. an earth-annihilating event – then it really wouldn’t matter because, well, we’d all be gone.

But what if it were one person, one being in your life who would be gone tomorrow? Knowing that, you would make a point of spending time with that person and cherishing the time you have with them. Right? But if you think about it, you should be doing that anyway. Right?

This last week, I received some grave news about my eldest pup, Forest. He had a tumor removed a couple weeks ago that was found to be malignant. While they removed the entire tumor, it was the type that could and would spread. Tests were done on the lymph nodes and one tested positive. It had spread, but we don’t know how far. I received all of the info available from the vet and two oncologists as well as doing my own research online. Yes, the tests needed, the surgery and chemotherapy would be expensive, but I didn’t really care about that. The prognosis of all professionals was with treatment, he has 9 to 12 months. Without, he has 3 to 6 months.

I received this information at work – I broke down 3 times that afternoon. I went home and did everything I normally do. And then I slept on it. I knew the right thing to do. In this case, quite bluntly, he’s a dog. Dogs have no concept of mortality. All they care about is their quality of life - their own happiness. This helped me to decide that the right thing to do, is nothing. I won’t put him through all of that just for a few extra months. And, my feeling is that he’ll last longer than what they think. Maybe that’s just me being optimistic but I can’t help the feeling.

This will be very difficult. It’s like outliving your children. It’s the toughest part of being a pet owner. But I feel good in the fact that I know I’ve given him the best life he could ever have. He is the best puppy ever and I tell him that every day. I always have.

 

It's worth it!

There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.

 -- Beverly Sills (1929-2007) American Opera Singer

In this day and age, everyone wants a quick fix. A fast solution. An instant remedy. Not only do we want it, we expect it. Technology has hurled us into the age of instant gratification. However, if you look at the really important things in life, a shortcut doesn’t exist. You can try to force it, but you’ll often have negative effects.

After I quit smoking I decided I wanted to start running, I knew it would take a while to get where I wanted to be. Possibly a long while. That was when I first employed one of the thoughts, or mantras, I live by now – The sooner I start, the sooner I’ll be where I want to be. I don’t say, “The sooner I start, the sooner I’ll be finished”. I don’t want to be “done”. I’m not looking for finality. I’m looking for a knowledge of experience, if you will. A proficiency of adventure. In running, I definitely found that! Plus some! Between fighting to make it up that hill and nursing soft-tissue injuries, I found that running is an entire lifestyle that is truly an adventure in itself. I learned that I can get past any obstacle with perseverance and patience. Patience. That’s the tough one. Most people can find the strength to power through whatever life issue they’re facing. That’s human nature – to survive the elements. But patience. I’ve found that most people struggle with that. To sit and do nothing. To wait. You have to quiet the worrisome, negative voice in your mind and coax out the positive, hopeful one. To lose patience is to let the former win out.

 
Any dream you have or goal you want to reach is absolutely attainable. Learning a new language or starting a business or earning a degree - anything you want to do is possible. You have to acknowledge the fact that it will not be easy, nor will it be quick. You do not need to be frightened of this fact, you only need to be aware of it. It’s your next adventure and it will include all of the ups and downs – that’s what makes it an adventure! And, it will be worth it.